T-minus three days.
The time has relatively flown over the past week. Looking back I am very happy, because even being really busy this week, Thursday is going to take forever to come.
Last Monday I came home from work to find J.P. and Aaron hanging out in Julie and Laura's part of the house. I was glad to have people there, because after they left Sunday night, the house felt very lonely. Thursday at work WOMC radio came by with Tom Horton's coffee and doughnuts, as part of a promotion that one of our accounting ladies had won for us. By coincidence, one of the girls who came from WOMC was a girl I had met last fall at Trader Joe's in Royal Oak named Paula. We both recognized each other, but it took us a few minutes to place where from. After we realized, we exchanged numbers and agreed to hang out. After work Thursday I went to the Russell Industrial Center for the AIGA Design Re:View that featured some projects done by my coworkers. Afterward I went with a handful of friends from work over to the Northern Lights Lounge, but I was feeling very tired and didn't want to drink too much and drive home, so I took off around 11:00. Friday after a terribly slow day at work I drove to East Lansing to visit Ben. J.P. had invited us to go to Crunchy's where Aaron was celebrating his birthday. It was cool to see friends I met through Julie and Laura in a setting outside of our house.
On Saturday I met my parents in Commerce Township to pick up some furniture I found on craigslist. It's an entire furniture set: a couch, loveseat, and ottoman. They are a really grey olive green, and microfiber: absolutely awesome. They are exactly what I wanted for the living room at my house. That night I met up with Paula and her friend and went to Luna in Royal Oak. We had a great night dancing and getting to know each other... turns out we have an incredible amount in common. She was the first person to see my tattoo and recognize the album it's from! Sunday I went for a jog, took some bottles back, and went to Ferndale High School for VegFest. I got to sample a ton of great food, and I saw my friends Gregg and Anglea from Detroit Evolution Laboratory give a raw food demonstration. Afterward I drove out to Paula's house and we hung out for the evening, getting to know each other more. She is a really great girl, and I certainly want to spend more time with her.
Today, I started working on a campaign that James had flown to L.A. to work on for the past couple weeks, and was now being worked on here at RingSide. I have spent the day assisting Noah, an editor who lives and works in L.A. He is a really great guy who basically just brought along his laptop and set it up in an empty edit room. I think this independent, self-sufficient editing style is the kind of position I want to be in myself. We are going to be busy for the rest of the week, and even in to the weekend on this project. I have taken Thursday off to close on the house, and Sunday because of a family get-together. I am hoping, however, that with my parent's help we'll be able paint around my work schedule on Friday and Saturday, and finish up Sunday.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
rediscovered motivation
I spent an unfortunately lengthy, and yet widely distributed portion of the past three or four months laboring through Sons and Lovers written by D.H. Lawrence. Similarly to how I am inspired to do so many things (through popular culture reference), I heard D.H. Lawrence's name in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and decided that I'd like to have reading one of his books as an accomplishment under my belt. While browsing the used book store at the end of my block, I noticed the plain-looking hard-covered copy of Sons and Lovers that I would spend the next three or four months carrying. This purchase coincided with a decision of mine to buy a number of books which I have had interest in reading, as well as some which I have read before and wish to claim as part of a presentable collection. I intended Sons and Lovers to be just the first in a line of novels which I would quickly absorb during the cold winter months I would be trapping myself in my apartment. As it turns out, I spent more of that time watching movies and eating popcorn than I seemed to spend with Sons and Lovers. I managed most of my page-turning on weekend mornings when I stayed in bed with a couple cups of coffee and an empty agenda for the day. Even in those idealistic conditions, however, I was only able to manage a half-hour or so of solid reading. I worried that I was losing my ability to enjoy quality time with a good book. I feel, now that I have finished, that it was only the book that was hedging my interest. I have since shifted to Kurt Vonnegut's Bluebeard and in three days have almost 200 pages behind me and a rediscovered motivation to continue reading and consequently do some writing of my own. So, this entry is serving as a sort of exercise of my literary talents. I haven't been opening the notebook I'd started in October as routinely as when I'd started, but in the weeks remaining until I start painting, carpeting, and in other ways decorating my house, I hope to indulge my creative production.
Monday, April 13, 2009
more than a month's maturing
I feel like my understanding of the concept of growing is growing. I have been trying to assimilate myself into this whirlwind of change that's taken over my life. Some things I don't really want to talk about, some things are just exhausting to talk about (namely the house stuff), and some of it I don't even think I should talk about if I wanted to. I have to admit a feeling of isolation hasn't exactly been the dominant theme of my feelings, either, as independent as I've been acting. I feel like events are coming to a head, though. It'll still be another two and a half weeks before I can officially set foot in my house, but by the time that comes I think I'll have a different kind of excitement than is gripping me now.
A sign of culmination came this past weekend when I spent some quality time at Cass Cafe with my friends Dan and Ron. It was a great thing that I was able to think about our time talking together without worrying too much beforehand about what exactly we'd talk about. I've found myself exceptionally worried about the future, which I suppose isn't the worst fear to have. My concern is that it's not allowing me to enjoy the present. So Ron and I bantered about the past and the future, thoughts and feelings, modesty and selfishness, and other enlightening topics. I reflected on the position Ron assumes as a sort of mentor to me and how I often adopt the same role towards my friends. It was that morning at the end of a yoga practice that I cried when Gregg, our teacher, asked us to thank ourselves. I realized the trouble I had been having with self-appreciation.
My first major job working with Chris is winding down. It allowed me a nice, long, relaxing weekend. Friday I met up with some friends from work down in Detroit for the Opening Day festivities. I started at Nemo's with Heather and Scott, and followed them to the Detroit Beer Company where I ran into J.P., Rambo and John (who I met through Laura and Julie), Chad, who was out with a ton of his friends, and James and Rob who came out after I told James where we were. Darren joined us, and him, James and I went to Centaur before meeting back up with Rob and having dinner at Oslo. (EDIT: I ran into Mike, the Creative Director we'd been working with the previous couple weeks at Centaur. I didn't mention him because I was afraid he'd read this and I'd be embarrassed to have mentioned him - turns out he did read this and called me out for not mentioning him!) Afterward we all drove back up to Ferndale and went to the Loving Touch. There we ran into Jason, one of our clients, and his wife (who was really cool!) I made my way home around eleven, after about twelve hours of drinking. The next day I felt terrible (mainly because of all the smoke I had breathed into my body), and reflected on the fact that I had only paid for half of the ten drinks I had. In the afternoon I went to the Mayflower Bookshop in Berkley and found an amazing Buddha statue making the two mudrās I had really wanted to find (the right hand held up to shoulder-height with the palm open forwards: a symbol of protection, and the left hand on the knee with the palm open upwards: a symbol of charity and compassion.) It will have a special place in my house once I have finished decorating.
Sunday I relaxed until Julie and Laura returned from Coldwater, where they had been staying with their family, and we spent some time hanging around outside. I started reading Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut, and am really enjoying it. After a few hours of reading Sunday I am already 1/5 the way though it. I celebrated Easter by watching Dogma Sunday night, and I realized that it is one of my all-time favorite movies, not only from a production standpoint, but also for it's great story and message.
Today one of our major clients had a holiday, so we weren't very busy. Chris went home early, so I'm just watching the Tigers try to rally from four runs down. I got into a fantasy baseball league with some of the guys at work, and I can already tell that it will make this season more interesting.
A sign of culmination came this past weekend when I spent some quality time at Cass Cafe with my friends Dan and Ron. It was a great thing that I was able to think about our time talking together without worrying too much beforehand about what exactly we'd talk about. I've found myself exceptionally worried about the future, which I suppose isn't the worst fear to have. My concern is that it's not allowing me to enjoy the present. So Ron and I bantered about the past and the future, thoughts and feelings, modesty and selfishness, and other enlightening topics. I reflected on the position Ron assumes as a sort of mentor to me and how I often adopt the same role towards my friends. It was that morning at the end of a yoga practice that I cried when Gregg, our teacher, asked us to thank ourselves. I realized the trouble I had been having with self-appreciation.
My first major job working with Chris is winding down. It allowed me a nice, long, relaxing weekend. Friday I met up with some friends from work down in Detroit for the Opening Day festivities. I started at Nemo's with Heather and Scott, and followed them to the Detroit Beer Company where I ran into J.P., Rambo and John (who I met through Laura and Julie), Chad, who was out with a ton of his friends, and James and Rob who came out after I told James where we were. Darren joined us, and him, James and I went to Centaur before meeting back up with Rob and having dinner at Oslo. (EDIT: I ran into Mike, the Creative Director we'd been working with the previous couple weeks at Centaur. I didn't mention him because I was afraid he'd read this and I'd be embarrassed to have mentioned him - turns out he did read this and called me out for not mentioning him!) Afterward we all drove back up to Ferndale and went to the Loving Touch. There we ran into Jason, one of our clients, and his wife (who was really cool!) I made my way home around eleven, after about twelve hours of drinking. The next day I felt terrible (mainly because of all the smoke I had breathed into my body), and reflected on the fact that I had only paid for half of the ten drinks I had. In the afternoon I went to the Mayflower Bookshop in Berkley and found an amazing Buddha statue making the two mudrās I had really wanted to find (the right hand held up to shoulder-height with the palm open forwards: a symbol of protection, and the left hand on the knee with the palm open upwards: a symbol of charity and compassion.) It will have a special place in my house once I have finished decorating.
Sunday I relaxed until Julie and Laura returned from Coldwater, where they had been staying with their family, and we spent some time hanging around outside. I started reading Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut, and am really enjoying it. After a few hours of reading Sunday I am already 1/5 the way though it. I celebrated Easter by watching Dogma Sunday night, and I realized that it is one of my all-time favorite movies, not only from a production standpoint, but also for it's great story and message.
Today one of our major clients had a holiday, so we weren't very busy. Chris went home early, so I'm just watching the Tigers try to rally from four runs down. I got into a fantasy baseball league with some of the guys at work, and I can already tell that it will make this season more interesting.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
house inspection
This Sunday I had my house inspected. The guy who did it was really great, and we spent over three hours going over everything. The best part is there are very few things that need fixing. The garage isn't in the best shape, but there is virtually no structural damage to the house. All in all it was a very satisfying inspection. I took along my parent's digital camera, so allow me to take you on the first tour of my house...
inside the front door to the right is the living room/dining room
with hardwood floors underneath!
to the left is the kitchen:
also on the ground floor is a bathroom, two bedrooms, and a sun room:
upstairs is one large room:
and it has a finished basement:
inside the front door to the right is the living room/dining room
with hardwood floors underneath!
to the left is the kitchen:
also on the ground floor is a bathroom, two bedrooms, and a sun room:
upstairs is one large room:
and it has a finished basement:
Thursday, March 26, 2009
it's been a long, cold, lonely winter
So much has happened to me in the past few weeks. What makes me happy is that I have been able to accept this change very positively and maintain the momentum.
First of all, Cody and some other people at work convinced me that seriously looking to buy a house was a very smart thing to do. I started by researching available properties online, finding a Realtor and talking to a mortgage lender and getting pre-approved and finding out what price range I should be looking in. I looked at a small handful of houses, and there was one I really liked. My Realtor found out that there had been low offers made on the house, but the seller wasn't going to accept anything less than asking. The price was at the high-end of what I was hoping to spend, but I understand that this house will have a higher potential to regain value than something on the low-end of what I wanted to spend. So, I made an offer on the house, and the next day I found out that it had been accepted. I was in so much shock that I told practically everyone just so I could help it sink in. I have an inspection scheduled for this Sunday, and I won't close until the end of April. I will still have my current apartment until the end of May, so that gives me a month overlap during which I am going to look into painting, recarpeting, and maybe refinishing the hardwood floors under the carpet in the dining room and living room. The house is definitely very large... 1200 square feet - not including the finished basement. It has a large upstairs, and two bedrooms downstairs, one that walks through to a sunroom at the back of the house. It is located on the west side of Ferndale on Beaufield St., just off of Nine Mile. I am going to wait and post pictures until I take my own this weekend.
Second, and what helped me decide that looking for a house was really a smart thing to do... my job has changed around a bit. Essentially, I am now going to be exclusively assisting Chris - our head Creative Editor - the guy who founded the RingSide Creative name when he moved to Detroit. I am still going to have other duties on the side, but Chris only has one assistant, and his old Assistant, Byron, is going to be editing on his own now. With this comes a lot of responsibility - Chris's jobs are generally high-budget and with important clients. It also means that I will be getting a lot of hours. Every hour over 80 that we bill for a month we get premium pay for, and every hour over 120 we get even more prenium pay for. There are still three work days left in March, and I am already over 120.
As quickly as March went by, I hope April goes by just as fast. As long as I get to enjoy the good things.
First of all, Cody and some other people at work convinced me that seriously looking to buy a house was a very smart thing to do. I started by researching available properties online, finding a Realtor and talking to a mortgage lender and getting pre-approved and finding out what price range I should be looking in. I looked at a small handful of houses, and there was one I really liked. My Realtor found out that there had been low offers made on the house, but the seller wasn't going to accept anything less than asking. The price was at the high-end of what I was hoping to spend, but I understand that this house will have a higher potential to regain value than something on the low-end of what I wanted to spend. So, I made an offer on the house, and the next day I found out that it had been accepted. I was in so much shock that I told practically everyone just so I could help it sink in. I have an inspection scheduled for this Sunday, and I won't close until the end of April. I will still have my current apartment until the end of May, so that gives me a month overlap during which I am going to look into painting, recarpeting, and maybe refinishing the hardwood floors under the carpet in the dining room and living room. The house is definitely very large... 1200 square feet - not including the finished basement. It has a large upstairs, and two bedrooms downstairs, one that walks through to a sunroom at the back of the house. It is located on the west side of Ferndale on Beaufield St., just off of Nine Mile. I am going to wait and post pictures until I take my own this weekend.
Second, and what helped me decide that looking for a house was really a smart thing to do... my job has changed around a bit. Essentially, I am now going to be exclusively assisting Chris - our head Creative Editor - the guy who founded the RingSide Creative name when he moved to Detroit. I am still going to have other duties on the side, but Chris only has one assistant, and his old Assistant, Byron, is going to be editing on his own now. With this comes a lot of responsibility - Chris's jobs are generally high-budget and with important clients. It also means that I will be getting a lot of hours. Every hour over 80 that we bill for a month we get premium pay for, and every hour over 120 we get even more prenium pay for. There are still three work days left in March, and I am already over 120.
As quickly as March went by, I hope April goes by just as fast. As long as I get to enjoy the good things.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
warmer days ahead
To those concerned, I have been feeling a lot better since my last post. I decided to leave a space heater on in the room at the front of my house, with a wide, uncurtained window facing the street. This past weekend I woke up to sun shine, made some coffee, and read for an hour. Afterward I cleaned my apartment (vacuumed and all) and watched Harold And Maude with Julie. It was a perfect day of setting myself a simple to-do list and feeling really accomplished. That night, Julie, Laura and I had a "potluck". I made a teriyaki vegetable stirfry, Julie made a quiche, and Laura made a dish of baked rice and squash with almonds and feta cheese; it made for an amazing dinner. Sunday I went to a Yin yoga class with Cori. The concept of Yin yoga is holding poses for a lengthy amount of time (about five minutes.) When doing this, you attempt to relax your body into stillness and prevent yourself from making the kinds of constant adjustements that I am all too prone to doing. The whole idea of meditation through stasis is fascinating to me, and it is a practice I would like to continue. The rest of my weekend I spent relaxing and watching movies.
This week has been slow again. Tanya called in sick on Monday, and Jerome told me that he was going to be leaving RingSide and offered to impart some of his knowledge to me. On Tuesday I talked with Cody about my goals and aspirations for the future, and it made me feel optimistic. All in all, it coincided wonderfully with my learning how to realax for a weekend and feeling more confident in myself. I am even learning to have a better self-image... but I feel that it will have to come last.
This Saturday is my dad's birthday, and I am meeting my parents for lunch Saturday at Benihana. We're then going to my aunt's so I can use their TurboTax software. After that, I'll be looking forward to another sunny Sunday relaxing and composing my monthly mix CD for March.
This week has been slow again. Tanya called in sick on Monday, and Jerome told me that he was going to be leaving RingSide and offered to impart some of his knowledge to me. On Tuesday I talked with Cody about my goals and aspirations for the future, and it made me feel optimistic. All in all, it coincided wonderfully with my learning how to realax for a weekend and feeling more confident in myself. I am even learning to have a better self-image... but I feel that it will have to come last.
This Saturday is my dad's birthday, and I am meeting my parents for lunch Saturday at Benihana. We're then going to my aunt's so I can use their TurboTax software. After that, I'll be looking forward to another sunny Sunday relaxing and composing my monthly mix CD for March.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
alienation and exhaustion
It's strange how last week I was feeling really great, and now two days of not being booked on anything and I'm feeling really depressed.
I billed almost 40 hours last week, and had an easy time getting to sleep at night. We had a company meeting Tuesday to discuss the re-branding of RingSide Creative as an "Integrated Media Studio™". It made me feel very optimistic about my future at this company. I've found myself fairly ignorant about the troubles with our economy. I just don't want to feel like I'm relying on my luck holding out. Often this suppressed paranoia motivates me to do more, but sometimes it just stresses me to the point of fatigue. At the end of the day Friday I left promptly at 5:30 to drive out to Ann Arbor to have dinner with Alex, Kenny, and Kyle for Kenny's birthday. After the stressful yet productive week I had, I really needed a drink. Dinner was great, we spent a few hours talking about nerdy stuff while waiting for the time to drive over the mall and catch a movie. We saw Yes Man, which was a lot better than I had anticipated. Of course, the main idea was all about a guy learning to say "yes"... and then learning when to say "no", but I appreciated it's focus on opening yourself to opportunities. After the movie we drove to Kenny's place and went around Ypsi trying to find a bar, but they were all either full or uninviting, so we called it a night.
Saturday I woke up to a couple of inches of snow. My mom had been nice enough to clean off my car, and I made it to Michigan Productions only a couple minutes late. While we were setting up, I noticed one of the girls who was helping with the student-run webcast. When I went down to grab a bagel, I noticed her again and struck up conversation. After the lecture, I asked her name and whether I would see her again at the next lecture, and she said 'yeah'. I told her to have a good spring break, and the next time I see her, I'm thinking of asking her out for coffee, if she doesn't have a boyfriend.
Since then, things have been kind of downhill. I came back to my parents to a houseful of relatives. We were having lunch to celebrate my dad's and two of my aunt's birthdays. I felt a lot of awkwardness that, to me, feels like resentment from my relatives because I've lost a lot of weight and, for my age, have a successful career. Maybe this is more of my own paranoia taking hold, but it's a feeling that I can't deny and feel constantly, not only from family. Regardless... I tried to maintain a casual attitude about the kinds of issues they were discussing that I felt they were worrying too much over. I tried to express to my mom how uninviting it is to have the host fretting the entire time. I also faced some snide questions from my uncles. I just don't feel the family support I think I should have. After everyone left I played dominoes with my parents, and like I knew he would, my dad wanted to drink some wine. I cheerfully agreed, but with the kind of tension that always seems to build between us, drinking just made us bicker even more. I'm really kind of angry with my dad for how he's become. He is ridiculously lazy, evidenced by his startling weight gain and unhealthy sleep patterns. All he seems to do is play computer games, watch movies, and record a multitude of VHS tapes from the DVR. I'm sure he thinks he's being productive, but he's not. He even tries to give me some of his tapes to watch, and I refuse to encourage this habit he's gotten himself into. I haven't had the courage yet to tell him how detrimental I think his lifestyle has become. And it doesn't help that my mom has no idea how to confront him. While she agrees with my thoughts about his decisions, she defends him every time I try to side against him. Not to mention I feel that she has her own self-esteem problems; the kind that I usually fall victim to myself, but have come to realize as weakness that I want to help her overcome. Every time I try to show her how fruitless and damaging her timidity and apprehension is, it only seems to reinforce it.
I drove home Saturday night, and Sunday I didn't do very much. The most productive thing I did was read for a good hour or so (I'm in the middle of "Sons and Lovers" by D.H. Lawrence.) I also watched Instrument, the Fugazi documentary, and rediscovered why I liked them so much.
When I came to work Monday, I just didn't feel very well. It was a hard to explain feeling, and it's still with me to an extent. I can only define it as a feeling of depression... I'm not motivated to do anything productive, and yet I need something to keep me busy. It's a dangerous catch-22, especially because a lot of people around the building are staying busy, and I feel like I'm falling behind. It doesn't help that I set myself up to operate without anyone's help, because when I can appreciate companionship I don't have any friends around. Today is going better... I feel I am becoming aware of my problem. Writing about it seems to help. I have to learn to slow down but remain in motion. I try to do the very best at everything, and I have to learn that is not possible. I have to learn to take time for myself, and to do that I have to learn what it is I really need. I am still working on that last part. At least I know the kinds of things that are not helping me. I still have a long way to go.
cue "Help!" by the Beatles
I billed almost 40 hours last week, and had an easy time getting to sleep at night. We had a company meeting Tuesday to discuss the re-branding of RingSide Creative as an "Integrated Media Studio™". It made me feel very optimistic about my future at this company. I've found myself fairly ignorant about the troubles with our economy. I just don't want to feel like I'm relying on my luck holding out. Often this suppressed paranoia motivates me to do more, but sometimes it just stresses me to the point of fatigue. At the end of the day Friday I left promptly at 5:30 to drive out to Ann Arbor to have dinner with Alex, Kenny, and Kyle for Kenny's birthday. After the stressful yet productive week I had, I really needed a drink. Dinner was great, we spent a few hours talking about nerdy stuff while waiting for the time to drive over the mall and catch a movie. We saw Yes Man, which was a lot better than I had anticipated. Of course, the main idea was all about a guy learning to say "yes"... and then learning when to say "no", but I appreciated it's focus on opening yourself to opportunities. After the movie we drove to Kenny's place and went around Ypsi trying to find a bar, but they were all either full or uninviting, so we called it a night.
Saturday I woke up to a couple of inches of snow. My mom had been nice enough to clean off my car, and I made it to Michigan Productions only a couple minutes late. While we were setting up, I noticed one of the girls who was helping with the student-run webcast. When I went down to grab a bagel, I noticed her again and struck up conversation. After the lecture, I asked her name and whether I would see her again at the next lecture, and she said 'yeah'. I told her to have a good spring break, and the next time I see her, I'm thinking of asking her out for coffee, if she doesn't have a boyfriend.
Since then, things have been kind of downhill. I came back to my parents to a houseful of relatives. We were having lunch to celebrate my dad's and two of my aunt's birthdays. I felt a lot of awkwardness that, to me, feels like resentment from my relatives because I've lost a lot of weight and, for my age, have a successful career. Maybe this is more of my own paranoia taking hold, but it's a feeling that I can't deny and feel constantly, not only from family. Regardless... I tried to maintain a casual attitude about the kinds of issues they were discussing that I felt they were worrying too much over. I tried to express to my mom how uninviting it is to have the host fretting the entire time. I also faced some snide questions from my uncles. I just don't feel the family support I think I should have. After everyone left I played dominoes with my parents, and like I knew he would, my dad wanted to drink some wine. I cheerfully agreed, but with the kind of tension that always seems to build between us, drinking just made us bicker even more. I'm really kind of angry with my dad for how he's become. He is ridiculously lazy, evidenced by his startling weight gain and unhealthy sleep patterns. All he seems to do is play computer games, watch movies, and record a multitude of VHS tapes from the DVR. I'm sure he thinks he's being productive, but he's not. He even tries to give me some of his tapes to watch, and I refuse to encourage this habit he's gotten himself into. I haven't had the courage yet to tell him how detrimental I think his lifestyle has become. And it doesn't help that my mom has no idea how to confront him. While she agrees with my thoughts about his decisions, she defends him every time I try to side against him. Not to mention I feel that she has her own self-esteem problems; the kind that I usually fall victim to myself, but have come to realize as weakness that I want to help her overcome. Every time I try to show her how fruitless and damaging her timidity and apprehension is, it only seems to reinforce it.
I drove home Saturday night, and Sunday I didn't do very much. The most productive thing I did was read for a good hour or so (I'm in the middle of "Sons and Lovers" by D.H. Lawrence.) I also watched Instrument, the Fugazi documentary, and rediscovered why I liked them so much.
When I came to work Monday, I just didn't feel very well. It was a hard to explain feeling, and it's still with me to an extent. I can only define it as a feeling of depression... I'm not motivated to do anything productive, and yet I need something to keep me busy. It's a dangerous catch-22, especially because a lot of people around the building are staying busy, and I feel like I'm falling behind. It doesn't help that I set myself up to operate without anyone's help, because when I can appreciate companionship I don't have any friends around. Today is going better... I feel I am becoming aware of my problem. Writing about it seems to help. I have to learn to slow down but remain in motion. I try to do the very best at everything, and I have to learn that is not possible. I have to learn to take time for myself, and to do that I have to learn what it is I really need. I am still working on that last part. At least I know the kinds of things that are not helping me. I still have a long way to go.
cue "Help!" by the Beatles
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