one and only

We were so happy in this photo when you were talking me up to your friends, like my attachment wasn't so resented, like I was appreciated. Like I was deserved. Maybe in our eyes you can see that we knew we'd be stumbling home and waking up tomorrow when the sun was already setting. The short day was overwhelmed with your apologies to your mother, and I could only listen to one song, which so incredibly reminded me of you. I told you once, and looking at this photo now I don't know if you remember. This is not who I've known since we broke up and I piloted myself into the ground. Every day we seemed to feel like we should spend together was wasted as I believed you might again be the girl in this photo. With a smile I kissed once. Before we fell asleep and woke up further from love.

failure

It was here we sat and talked. Well, you were sitting in this seat, I was on the other side of this corner. All the same, we talked like we've talked before at so many bars. I would've thought, that night, that it was you seeking the countertop and stool setting, but my nerves were being calmed too. I was happy with alcohol in my system, untrusting I am of who it makes me sometimes. And we have had some great memories, at these bars.

I would build a fortress of a relationship with you out of all our empty pint glasses. Our elaborate decoration the clinging of suds on the clear glass, like the thoughts I had that slipped away. The things I had to say but was never given the chance. All of my regrets would be plain to see every time I looked at us. But this monument of leftover good intentions would be impossible to clean. And now what's stopping me from smashing all the false supports keeping us together?

At the very least it's starting over, but it's much more like moving on. You may not deserve my obsessions and niceties, but you do deserve to know an honest man. I don't care about your past enough to not care about your future. But, I don't care enough about your future to not care about my own first. Best intentions are not always enough. Honesty doesn't get you everything you want, only peace of mind. Don't forget that you can make that for yourself, and it would only be your fault to let someone steal it away. The trick is to not stop trying for more.

Even when you fail.